Continuing on the theme of self-directed change (change that doesn’t come as a request or demand from someone else), how do I know I want to change? What is happening that I need to pay attention to?

I’ll give you two personal examples. Last Friday my husband and I went on a double date with one of my daughters and her partner. In the car on the way to the event we chose as our destination my daughter said that one of her sisters had inherited the worst of both of her parents–a lack of self-reflection from her dad (not my husband) and my anxieties. This was just one post-it, one data point on the way to change. If my anxiety is the “worst” of my traits according to one intimate observer, and it is also one that makes me suffer internally, then that is a thing that “bubbles up” as a possible change initiative.

The other example is a recent story I heard about my husband’s ex-wife. At first, I felt self-righteous about the story. I would never do what she did. Then I remembered that I had done the same or similar things. Then I felt envy. I wanted to do those same or similar things again. Then I wondered why this story was causing me so much pain. It had nothing to do with me!  I think the cause comes down to comparing myself to others, specifically comparing my insides (my desires, hopes, fantasies) with others’ outsides (what looks to me to be exciting, desirable, and fulfilling). This comparing is probably related to my anxiety, and is something I know I want to change.

What are you noticing about yourself that causes you to feel uncomfortable, or produces some niggling feeling that you are in some way less than you want to be–for yourself?