Over the last week or so I’ve been dipping into Mike Robbins’ Focus on the Good Stuff, and Robert Emmons’ Thanks! Robbins’ book is a more conversational version of our Appreciative Coaching: A Positive Process for Change, and Emmons’ focuses on one aspect of living positively, and that is living with a grateful attitude. Another fascinating book that came out recently is entitled, Change the Way You See Everything, by Kathryn Cramer and Hank Wasiak. This book really gives specific tools for what they call “asset-based” (as opposed to deficit based) thinking: weighing everything in our lives from a positive, hopeful and possibility laden perspective.

What strikes me about each of these books and their authors is that we have perhaps reached what Malcolm Gladwell calls the tipping point, that is the point at which we are aware of more resources for viewing life positively than we are of viewing problems and weaknesses. I hope this is true.

At the same time, I’m also worried (as I am a worrier) that the positive perspective will be translated as happy talk, that folks who are sad, diagnosed with serious illness, or devastated in some deep way, will see all this as excluding them. To these people I say that the newish focus on emphasizing the good in life in no way diminishes its challenges. Being gentle with oneself, acknowledging pain and challenge, finding a sympathetic person to talk to, and waiting (as time does diminish many wounds) are all legitimate tools on the way to having a more positive outlook. I had personally held in such a wound for too long. Recently a friend invited me to talk about that wound in a safe and empathetic conversation. Just speaking it out loud released so much blocked energy, that I’ve found ways to return to my normally optimistic and thankful perspective.

If you find yourself wishing “if only I COULD feel positively about this situation” remember that it may take time, empathy, and patience to access that formerly positive person in you.