I got some feedback from one of my coaching clients that the last post about personality wasn’t entirely clear. Let’s see if I can elaborate on yesterday’s post. Simply, I’m suggesting that when we have an intuition about something someone else says to us, we make that plain to the other person–not in a judging or “I’ve got the answer” way, but in an “I’m noticing that I’m thinking about this” kind of way.

If I keep thinking about my mother when you are telling me a story of your success with your cooking class, this may mean no more than I’m remembering what a terrible cook my mother was. Or it may mean something entirely different to you, that relates to your story. If I say, “That reminds me that my mother was a bad cook,” we may take the conversation off to my mother. This is not what I’m suggesting by putting more of your personality into coaching. What I am suggesting is that I say something like, “I keep thinking about my mother as you are telling me this story. Do you see any connection to mothers in your story, or maternal behavior, or any connection you have?” Then we have the chance to explore what might be a fruitful direction. Or not. If you look at me as if I’ve just spoken Swahili, well then maybe my mother has nothing to do with this and I’m distracted.

But these links can be important and we can’t explore them unless the coach makes explicit what is going on in her head, or in her body. If I get a headache listening to your story about a work situation, maybe there is more tension for you than you are revealing, or than you are aware is there for you. I think you are beginning to get the idea.