Governor (of New York) Eliot Spitzer has come down off of his self-righteous high horse this week. I guess it is more truthful to say that he has been knocked witless off of the horse. Don’t get me wrong. I have appreciated his knight in shining armor persona, and, as someone who worked peripherally on Wall Street for seven years, have cheered his every toppling of abusive and greedy investment executives and companies. Lest we all forget that we are human, however, it is best for all of us, including Governor Spitzer, to remember that too much holier than thou speechifying is not becoming to the species. We all have feet of clay.

Then there is the wife of Eliot Spitzer, the beautiful, brilliant (by all accounts), and accomplished Silda Wall Spitzer. She has out-earned him, and perhaps in her own way even out-accomplished him. Women in the press are wondering aloud or at least a-print why she, looking as haggard and shocked as the rest of us, would submit to his public confession, would “stand by her man” as Hilary and others have done before her. Isn’t it time for women to end the perception that it is OK for their husbands, partners, or intimate buddies to do really stupid stuff and they’ll just smile wanly and keep the family together?

And what in heaven’s name could I have up my sleeve about coaching in all this? It is this: coaching begins where we are. In this case, Eliot Spitzer is at a horrible crossroads in his career. Perhaps he is at the end of his political career. Let’s say for the sake of imagining that Governor (perhaps by the time you read this, ex-Governor) Spitzer comes to you for coaching. What do you discover together in your first session? Surely you would notice the vast crusading he has done against many kinds of corporate greed, and the successes he has had, at least in part due to his single-minded focus and perhaps outsized ego. Ego works for good as well as evil. Then you would notice his evident pain. What will he do with this pain of shame and horror at having been discovered doing monumentally stupid stuff, and at having done it, of course? Would you be able to empathize rather than to judge?

And then suppose that Silda Spitzer came to you. What would you discover with her? Would you recognize the resources she has to bring to this unique situation? Would you affirm that her skills as a lawyer, mother, and scholar can be applied in this time of perhaps unequaled rage and hurt? Would you acknowledge the rage and hurt and by doing this help her to stay with these uncomfortable feelings so that she can make good decisions about what’s best for her, and then for her family?

It is way too easy to posture over sex scandals such as this one. Eliot Spitzer has made a career out of just such posturing. When we discover that he did not meet his own standards of behavior (and none of us do all of the time), and that he put at least three other people (his wife and three daughters) in jeopardy because he ignored or flaunted his own standards, we can posture or we can look inward at the ways in which we have not met our own standards. Coaching as managers, parents, teachers, and counselors requires this inward look so that we might effectively aid the wrongdoer, in this case Eliot Spitzer, to acknowledge his acts, be responsible and accountable for them to others, forgive himself, and rebuild his life. We might also then empathize with the victim, Silda Spitzer in this case, and help her to find a reasonable way to separate herself from the carnage without necessarily losing or leaving those she loves.